Mr. Perfect Part 2

So if this ever gets published then I have taken a huge leap of something. I’m not sure you can call it faith because posting something for the whole world to see isn’t exactly an act of faith. Anyway, here it goes.

So today I accidentally sat next to my crush. The same guy I fell for all because he held the door. Now that I think about it, that was a stupid move. I mean can a guy who just happens to be super cute not hold the door for someone without it being a big deal? Maybe to him but something inside of me just wouldn’t let it not be a big deal. And then I exaggerated little things like eye contact or a friendly smile and it blew everything out of proportion. But of course I did not come to this conclusion until him and Instagram dropped a bomb on me. I had just added him as a friend and he added me back relatively quick. So of course I got all giddy and then I saw his post. Him and a girl in a bikini and captioned with something about how much he loves her. And I knew what it meant, but I didn’t want to believe it so I basically Instagram stalked him, looking at all his saved pics and posts and then it became obvious he was with someone else.

And that hurt. And the fact that it hurt made me mad. I realized this guy didn’t actually like me and probably didn’t even want to be my friend the way he didn’t try to talk to me after that. And of course the day after I realize I can never speak to the guy I like again because he has a girlfriend and I don’t want to interfere with that, we get put in a group together. Partners actually cause coincidentally, no one else showed up! Lovely. So then of course I’m forced to talk to him and I want so badly for him to be a jerk and to be able to call him one but I can’t. I can’t because he’s a really great guy. Ughhhhhh.

Today I sat down in a different chair in music because I got the seats confused and of course, I end up right next to you know who. That was definitely my fault though because he was also probably a little confused. I mean I ignore him half the time and then I’m sitting next to him. I’d be confused too. So the whole time I had to pretend he wasn’t there without making it obvious I was trying to pretend he wasn’t there. Great right? And I tried just relaxing and not making a big deal about it but there were literally empty seats on either side of us so it looked like we intentionally sat together! Talk about awkward! All I could think about was my hope that the teacher didn’t look at us and get the wrong idea because those seats were awfully close… but I couldn’t move seats because everyone knows the minute you do that the minute they realize something is up. And with my lack of ability to be discrete he probably would have figured out I liked him. And I do. And I hate that. I hate that he’s cute and nice and a Christian and overall a good guy because that’s all the more reason TO like him.

Today he saw that I was trying to leave and noticed he was in my way so what does he do? He very politely moves to the side gesturing with his arm that I can pass. What am I dude some kind of royalty???!!! Sorry. I am very grateful that he was so polite but it makes it so much harder to stop liking him. You know what the worst part is? I don’t want to stop liking him. Deep down some part of me still wants to have hope that maybe, just maybe something will happen. But that makes me a terrible person because it’s like saying I WANT him to break up with his girlfriend. I don’t want to be that girl! It’s like everything is great and me liking him isn’t an issue until I remember he’s taken. And she’s a lucky girl.

Go ahead. Call me boy crazy. I’m not gonna object. But it’s just one boy. And I don’t like that I like him because I always wanted to be that girl that was super chill and cool and didn’t go after boys just let them all come to her and didn’t care and blah blah blah but guess that’s just not me. But it’s natural. And I’m learning that it’s not bad. I mean God did create the whole attraction between males and females so it must be good in some ways. What I mean is me liking a boy is not bad, I just need to be careful i don’t let my flesh influence my actions and or decisions. God has the Mr. Perfect that is perfect for me somewhere out there and some day, I believe I’ll find him. Until then, I gotta keep working on finding a flaw in this Me. Perfects seemingly perfect character🤣🤣because let’s be honest, no one is really perfect.